Ever Dream
by Deathcrest
Summary: When you died, I knew that things would change. I never knew if you dreamt of me as I dreamt of you. I never knew if you ever felt anything, even the smallest pang of affection, for me. And now, I still don't know.


[Ever Dream]

As the last black feather passed by Rin's left hand, her last command seal disappeared. She knew what it ment. Archer was gone. He was now so far from her.

"Illyasviel will come after us. Let's hurry."Rin said, her voice suddenly cold. Emiya Shirou who was carrying the weakened Saber stopped.

"Tohsaka." He had said.

"Hurry. I will not forgive if we get captured."And with that, Rin broke off in a sprint towards the hideout Archer had suggested. It was well-hidden and it would take Illyasviel a long time to find them.

Breaking into the house, the triumvirate stayed in the upper bedroom. After teaching Emiya on how to give mana to Saber and seeing them both fall asleep afterwards, Rin walked outside and just sat on one corner of the dark room.

She was angry. Angry and hurt. Angry at herself for letting Archer fight Berserker, knowing that it would only lead to death for Berseker was the strongest Servant. Also, Berserker had a powerful Master too. Illyasviel von Einzbern was a strong magus and knowing the odds, she still had left Archer to fend them off himself. It hurt her that her Servant was gone and her chance at winning the Holy Grail War was now zero.

But then. What was the point anyway? She had lost her Servant. She had lost the sarcastic, cynical and very aloof man whom she was very annoyed with yet every moment Rin had with him was valuable.

Rin had learned to love him.

She watched the white moon through the windows. Where could Archer be now? Did he come back to the spirit world?

It was pointless, her love. Even if Archer was alive, he would never return the affection. It was the same. Ever since her father, Rin was alone most of her life. She lived by herself and no one else. She drowned the loneliness in her desire to win the War by training herself to become a powerful magus. But when Archer arrived instead of the Saber class Servant she had wanted, everything changed.

She was not alone anymore. She had someone to share the solitude, even if her feelings were unrequited. But now, Archer's gone. There would be no one to talk to in her manor. No one to share the luxury and pleasure of drinking tea with. No one to be there waiting on the top of the building where they both used to stand, gazing down on the city.

No one for her to protect her against the cold dark.

Rin took her gaze away from the moon. Every time she thinks of Archer, sadness envelops her heart and tears surface in her eyes. Of what was not and never will be. She had never felt this need for someone. She never felt so helpless and despondent without him. She never had imagined how much his death could affect her.

She was alone now and when she will die, she knows that she will die alone. Because she will never love anyone ever again. Only to him would her heart give in. To him would she be herself unlike her persona in school.  
Knowing that she can never let go, Rin cried herself to sleep.

To a sleep filled with nightmares.

[Ever Dream]

_Rin sat on one of her couches, sipping tea that Archer brewed for her. He had a very nice aptitude for making tea. It was one of those things that made Rin love him. Even if Archer was an irritating and sometimes a complete jerk; he had a kind, open and warm side. She doesn't know if Archer reveals this kind of side to other people. Perhaps a little for her and maybe even Emiya, though they look like they would kill each other._

_At the same moment, Archer enetered the room. He sat beside his master and began to drink his own cup of tea. This will be the time Rin would reveal her love for him. They might have only met for a few days that turned into weeks but she still loved him. Drawing all her courage, Rin faced Archer. He placed his cup on the small table and looked at her._

_"Yes, Rin?" Rin watched his silver eyes. She looked for some kind of love in them but his were unreadable and guarded. Rin felt it was inappropriate and gave in to frankness._

_"Archer...I...love...you..."Rin said quietly, her face blushing. Archer was silent for the moment before standing up and walking away. Rin took this sadly but still she tried. Tried to see if Archer ever felt anything for her. She was desperate._

_"Archer?" Her voice cracked with pain and longing. He stopped but didn't move. Rin heard him sigh tiredly._

_"No, Rin. I don't love you. Feelings are inappropriate and are a waste of time. I am only here for the Grail, nothing else." Menace and venom coursed through his voice._

_Rin just sat there silently, knowing she could do nothing anymore. It was painful enough already that she was rejected but it was more painful that she was rejected with hate and anger. Was this her fate?_

_"There will be nothing between us." And with that, Archer left. Rin sat, feeling alone as ever. She felt something wet trail down her cheek. It was a tear._

[Ever Dream]

Rin awoke to find her face dry with tears. She had cried as she slept. Still even if she had cried a river, no one will be there console her. No one to hold her and tell her that everything's going to be alright. Nobody there to just even be there. BE there with her in the dark. The one she had believed to do that was gone and there was nothing she could do.

Her hope was gone.

Twice this night, Rin stared at the moon. She had dreamed about Archer and the painful rejection. Even though it never actually happened.

"Have you ever felt what it was like without the person you love?" Speaking to the atmosphere, no one was there and Rin felt herself fall inside her.

Now, her home was just an ordinay building. There was nothing special about it anymore. Because there was no one there to receive her with open arms. Just the harsh, cold wind to freeze her body. No warmth to thaw her sould from the icy winter it had locked itself in. There was nothing left for her. Everything was meaningless without the reason for its creation.

There was nothing worth fighting for her anymore.

"Have you ever dreamed of me as I dreamt of you?"Receiving no answer, Rin spent the remaining time in the uncomfortable coldness of silence.

Made of white night fantasy.

_**A/N: This story was based on the song "Ever Dream" by Nightwish in one of their darkest albums, "Century Child". The song was sad and lonely about a person ,whose love lies deep, looking for someone and wondering if that person ever dreamt of him/her. Without knowing the answer, the person is left with certain sadness.**_


End file.
